Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Slumber party club(aka vodka hates me) and Don't open that window.

First rule of Slumber party club is, you do not TALK about Slumber party club..The second rule of Slumber party club is, you do not fall asleep first..Or you totally get messed with! Ok, so I'm breaking the first rule, but I made them up. So I can do that! Poor Ashleigh did fall asleep first or passed out(semantics)what ever you want to call it. We took really embarrassing pictures of her and a weenie. That I will not post,due to the fact that she might beat our asses....Did I mention that we pick her up in a bar! As must as I knew that Tequila tried to kill me once, I now know Vodka hates me. In the fact that I do really STUPID things when I drink(like peeing in someones yard). Thats why it only happens once every ten years. We did come up with a lot of catch phrases. Like looking for a needle in a haystack is now code for looking for a small penis. There is nothing like six woman hanging out and having fun, but drinking and then having to climb two sets of stairs is a bad idea. I survived, but it took days to recover..

"Don't open that window" could be used metaphorically.(I love using metaphors;see above pargraph) As in don't open that window of opportunity or don't even start something, but this time I mean literally! My Mother decided to open the window at her house, I guess she forgot about the air conditioner. It came crashing to the ground and almost broke out the window. Jay heard the crash and ran in to find her staring at the open window with a "what the F***" look on her face. Then she got mad. When my mother gets mad, its a run for the hills kind of mad. And people wonder where I get it from. Jay (the saint) put the air conditioner back and fixed what ever the problem was, and all was saved. And none of my mothers five-million cats were injured in making of this story(they sleep under the window sometimes).

Monday, August 9, 2010

We almost died!!!!....Ok, not really and why I'm not taking Ambien...

We almost died!...Ok, not really. I've always known Jay will some how kill me,I really thought it would be in a fiery crash or me tripping on a hanger he left on the floor. But the other night I watched my life flash before me, because of pump #5. We were waiting in line to get gas and so was this kid. We started to pull forward and kid started to back up to the pump. Not sure why he was doing this because his gas tank was on the other side of his car. Jay then honks at him, he flips us off and parks in front of the station. Jay of course can't keep his mouth shut and gets out of his car and says "its not my fault you can't f***ing drive". The kid next to us says "I heard that" and then I realize that its a pack of about five cars filled with kids (twenty something boys) all together. And I start thinking great, I'm going to get beat to death because I'm to stupid to let Jay die alone! They were all talking trash like "lets kick his ass" and even with my ninja skills we didn't have a chance. So I start looking in the car for a weapon, just in case. And I got nothing!! Execpt a left over flag from Fourth of July and what am I going to do? smart them with patriotism. And then I'm thinking my dad would be so disappointed that I'm not prepared. But I have my phone. I should just call the police, but what do I tell them...Oh yea something might happen want to come out here?..Jay gets out to pay and I make him take the keys with him to put in his fist, again just in case. He pays, comes back to car and nothing happens...I just FREAKED out for nothing!

I been having trouble sleeping. So I thought about getting a precription for Ambien, but now I'm thinking that would be a bad idea. Because apparently you black out, eat weird things and do random drunk calling. Thats why I rarely drink and don't do drugs, God knows I'm crazy enough without the help. Plus I'm always on a diet and don't want to wake up one morning and the cat be missing. So now I'm just going to contiune my slow addiction to Nyquil.

P.S. Now you know why I never cough or sneeze... ;)

Friday, August 6, 2010

Everyone's pissy and Fortieth birthdays...

So everyone's really pissy!! And they keep blaming the heat, but really? I think people just wait for it to get hot, so they can bitch without being held accountable.
But then again I'm made for heat not for cold, yes its the jalapeno juice running through my veins. I also know in the middle of an Oklahoma summer not to do yard work at the hottest time of the day. So if you have to be outside, I get it. You have my permission to Bitch away...But if not...Shut up! :)

My Sister just turned Forty(but in no way looks it!).I kind of have to put that in. We went out to celebrate with dinner, a movie and dancing. Dinner was great,because it's food and how can you go wrong with Louie's Pizza. The Movie Charlie St. Cloud is really, really sad and a little Erotic. Which is kind of disturbing, only in the fact that you feel really bad for Charlie and you want to kidnap him and do horrible dirty things to him! In the way that if you weren't married and didn't have kids you could kill two birds with one stone. It's an eerie feeling when your maternal and cougar sides collide.;)(like everytime I see Robert Pattinson) The Club...Just let me say I never want to be single, because people are crazy and apparently get dressed in the dark. One of my friends kicks this guy(twice)and said "he didn't ask me to dance!" If your like me, you didn't know that kicking someone was the international sign for I want to dance with you! Then there was the wolf pack (yes, a twilight reference)that walked up to our table every fifteen minutes but never asked anyone to dance. And last but not least the troll that told our friend that he was coming back in twenty-five minutes to dance with her. She asked what to tell him if he did come back and I said "tell him the bridge called and the goats are getting across" but I guess he got lost and cause he never made it back. We walked our friend to her hotel and then had a late night stop at Taco Bell...And agreed to not do that again for another year... :)